I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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