the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
