she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
