I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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