Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I party with great urgency now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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