Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
