You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
