On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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