I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
