I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
