Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
