I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
