If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
