Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
