In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
