I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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