it wasn't lemon gatorade
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
