I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
