Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
