Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
