Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
These tits shall not be calmed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
