I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
