I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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