i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
