rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
