My first STD was from a foam party
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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