ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
