I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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