did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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