dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
