do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
