I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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