saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My vagina is very pro this idea
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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