Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
