Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
