I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
