Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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