i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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