I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
