Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think i have herpe
just one?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
