Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
