I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
