ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
