oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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