So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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