Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
did i just pee glitter
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
