Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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