yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
