when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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