She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
