Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
