Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
