So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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