Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
