Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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