In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
