There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
